From classic music to math: How Mumbai-based parents are curbing screen time for their kids

Adiv Singh, 9, a Nerul resident, can focus on a bunch of co-curricular activities, especially music, because of the time he saves from not using any kind of screen. He has cleared Level One graded exam in Western music from Trinity College, London, and also won a gold and a trophy at the International Abacus and Mental Arithmetic competition this year. Pic/Sayyed Sameer Abedi

Nine-year-old Adiv Singh, nearly lives the life of a child from the 1980s. He has nearly no access to screen of any kind - phone, laptop, or tablet. He gets only an hour of TV on Saturdays, and gets access to a laptop strictly for school work, under the watchful eye of his mother, Samiksha Singh. She ensures he stays on the project and does not stray into the Internet. Amazon's Alexa helps with research for school otherwise, without the need to drop down the digital rabbit hole.

Samiksha, a former journalist with Doordarshan, says, "This is why he gets the time to play musical instruments, practise Indian classical vocals, and study music theory. He is also a rank-holder in his class. Because he has never been around screens, his cognitive skills are amazing. He can do high-level arithmetic orally - adding, subtracting, dividing, and multiplying up to 13 digits."

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This year, Adiv cleared Level One of graded exams of Western music theory from Trinity College, London, and in tabla and classical music from the Akhil Bhartiya Gandharva Mahavidyala. The Nerul resident also won gold and a trophy at the International Abacus and Mental Arithmetic competition this year.

Mom Samiksha Singh says of son, Adiv

"When bored, I cycle, skate, or play boardgames with my parents," says Adiv.

In an age of moments-long attention spans, Adiv's example stands apart. His parents made a conscious choice to keep him away from screens from day one. "Instead," says Samiksha, a homemaker now. "We used illustrated books and light and sound toys instead of phones or tablets to make him eat when he was younger. Since he never saw screens growing up, he never knew that there is an option to switch on a cartoon or a movie while having dinner or lunch."

Similar is the case of nine-year-old Prisha of Malad West, who watched her first film "by mistake at her grandmother's house," tells her mother Madhurima Dasgupta, a senior director in a US-based firm. Madhurima, who was brought up in the 80s with limited screen exposure and wanted the same for her daughter. "It instils discipline, making one more conscious of screen usage in the future. Additionally, a child must interact with people and, importantly, with nature, to develop a well-rounded personality," she explains.

Prisha Dasgupta with her parents at her residence at Malad West. She does not depend on screens and indulges in other co-curricular activities that set her apart from her peers. Pic/Anurag Ahire

There is stark resemblance between Adiv and Prisha's cases. Prisha has been learning Hindustani classical music since she was four, and her leisure activities include arts, craftwork, and reading. She also uses Amazon Alexa as much as possible for her school project research, but gets access to a desktop PC for necessary homework under strict parental supervision. To support her music practice, her mother operates a metronome app on her phone whenever needed.

When Sunday mid-day broadcasted a message in a Powai-based parents' WhatsApp group to inquire if anyone was keeping phones and tablets away from their children, at least 17 people responded in the affirmative within a few hours. However, time and bandwidth is a luxury - not all parents can be available constantly to offer alternatives, regulate and engross their children in activities that a screen can easily replace.

Powai-based software engineers Chanchal Rai and Dolly Singh hope to keep their now eight-month-old son screen-free until he turns six year old. However, with every passing week, they find this increasingly difficult. Both parents work at least 10 hours away from office, making a tablet an important tool for is nanny to rely on to keep him from crying. Dolly, who just returned to work after six months of maternity leave, acknowledges, "It's nearly impossible to give him the same amount of attention now with a full-time job. Hats off to the parents who are successful at doing this."

Adiv Singh of Navi Mumbai also lives a tech-free life, and utilises much of his time learning music and doing a slew of other outdoor activities like cycling and playing tennis

Enrolling a child in extracurricular activities such as music and arts is also a luxury. In Mumbai, the average cost of a music class is approximately R300 per hour - Rs 10,000 for just weekend classes (eight sessions a month).

Madhurima, who successfully managed this while maintaining a full-time job as a senior director in a US-based firm, acknowledges that parental sacrifice of prolonged use of tablets, laptops and phones is the secret ingredient. They have to practise what they preach. Madhurima watches television after Prisha falls asleep, typically post-10.30 pm. "My husband is a cinema lover, but both he and I recently watched a film at the theatre after years!"

Madhurima rarely uses her own phone around her daughter to set an example.

Aniruddh Singh, 12, grew up with smartphones and tablets and believes it's impossible to live without tech; (right) Murtaza Firoz and Fatema Firoz, four and 11 years old, respectively, have stopped using screens for the past month

However, the rewards are worth the strife. "Prisha has developed excellent social skills and a rich vocabulary from extensive reading," Madhurima notes. "She engages confidently with people in public without resorting to screens." The couple plan to give Prisha a phone when she turns 15.

This kind of parenting presents other challenges as well. Adiv has begun expressing envy at his friends' smartphones, that they take photos and play games with at will.

Some parents feel pressure to give their children a technological leg-up in times of Artificial Intelligence. However, Rai doesn't think it "affects tech savviness. It's about interest. I know many people born in the 1970s who didn't use technology until they were 30, yet are better at tech than Gen Z."

Rashmi Singh

But Adiv's parents have observed that he may be "too innocent" compared to peers, who were exposed to a wide variety of content from an early age, including age-inappropriate content. "But maturity will come with time. For now, we are happy that he is enjoying his childhood," says Samiksha.

While some parents are screening screens from the beginning admirable, those who don't start early often find it difficult to take them away later. "I was boarding a red-eye flight from Mumbai to Delhi, and a toddler was crying loudly at the airport. It was around 2 am, and pacifying the child would have taken time; so the parents handed the three-year-old a smartphone with his favourite cartoon clip. The child stopped crying immediately."

This scene was described to Sunday mid-day by parenting coach Mansi Zaveri, Founder, Kidsstoppress. Her point was that dependence on smartphones and tablets is quite the norm. Once a child is hooked to a screen, overcoming the addiction can be difficult.

Samiksha Singh, Former journalist, mother to nine-year-old

It is also subjective, with the duration varying based on factors such as the severity, parent-induced personal motivation, and strategies employed. Some experts advocate for a 30-day abstinence period, which is aimed at resetting brain chemistry to regain control over habits. Additionally, a 2020 study on recovery from smartphone addiction says effective recovery involves a combination of strategies, including behavioural interventions, support groups, and, in some cases, professional counselling.

Meena, a Kandivli-based homemaker, says, "Once you have handed over the phone, and the child knows that it is a medium of entertainment, it gets difficult to convince the child to do any task without it. From there on, you can only negotiate. My husband and I are trying to remove screens from around her, but she refuses to eat dinner or lunch without it. There were times when she skipped meals because she was not given the tablet."

Those parents who could successfully reduce their children's screen time noticed behavioural changes. Masuma Firoz, a homemaker from Udaipur and mother of two, set out to limit screen time particularly for her 11-year-old daughter. Initially, both her daughter and four-year-old son were glued to them for at least four to five hours a day. About a month into their new routine, Masuma observed significant changes in her daughter's behaviour, which she attributed to the impact of online content. After closely monitoring her browsing habits, Masuma found that much of what her daughter had been consuming was unsuitable for her age, resulting in tantrums and stubbornness over clothes and outings with friends.

Mansi Zaveri, Parenting Coach

Powai-based software engineer couple Chanchal and Dolly say the key might be to remove screens from a child's environment before they fully understand what a phone or tablet is, so they never develop dependency. "That's what we are aiming for our eight-month-old son," they say.

The methods employed to take away the screen are not always ideal. In metropolitan areas such as Mumbai, Delhi, and Bengaluru, physical discipline and verbal reprimands are deemed inappropriate. But, in smaller towns, the norm of traditional disciplinary practices continues, and a few parents Sunday mid-day spoke to, anonymously admitted that they reprimanded their children in "old-school ways [read: hitting/smacking]" to take screens away from them.

Borivli-based Dr Rashmi Singh says it's best to consult a child behaviourist instead of reprimanding a child, especially in the wake of recent incidents across India where some teenagers attacked their families after being told to limit their screen time. "Many have also died by suicide. In severe cases, where the screen time is over five hours per day, a medical professional's help should be sought," says Dr Singh.

Dr Singh shared her firsthand account of her younger brother's addiction, which began at the age of four. Her brother, 13, still relies heavily on phones and tablets for both schoolwork and entertainment. "Screens impact the areas of the brain responsible for creativity and memory," she notes. "Many parents unknowingly introduce screens too early, unaware of lasting influence they may have."

Parenting coach Zaveri, however, doesn't believe in total "tech sanitisation". She says, "Raising a child without technology today is great, but so is raising one with limited screen time and well-defined boundaries around content consumption. There should be no judgment about which approach is better - every parent decides what's best for their child. Technology becomes a problem only when it substitutes boredom."

30
No. of days children should avoid screens to reset brain chemistry and regain control over habits