Sexting at Sixty

For many oldies, being single hasn’t lost its tingle. Imaging/Uday Mohite, Pic/Nimesh Dave

There are celebs who get hitched - or hook up - at ages that seem stratospheric. And then there are "real people", ie names not lit up in neon, who also find love - or, let's face it, lust - in the autumn of their lives. Quietly. I can hear faint shouts of "Not autumn!" so let's amend that to late summer.

Fact is, whether you're flirting at 40, feisty at 50, or sexting at 60, you're someone for whom being single hasn't lost its tingle. And as one who is nearing the Six Oh, I can say that if you have a spring in your step, then summer and autumn don't matter. Let me say at this point that "sexting" is kind of an euphemism. Our texts are fairly innocuous. It's not so much what is said, as how it is said, that matters.

So, how is it said?
Well, I imagine that we oldies are less direct than youngsters, though I wouldn't know unless I peer into a young person's phone. But when you're older, nuances count. As do pauses.
Like a friend who texted her date after getting home:
She: Sorry I took off my sandals [midway through the dinner].
He: I didn't notice, really. But was there something wrong?
She: I have this thing where my feet get hot after a while.
He: … [he typed the ellipsis]
This made her laugh, and was a chill way to deal with what she thought was an awkward thing.

Where do we meet?
At social functions like weddings; at hobby events such as art walks, for instance; at, of course, parties to which your well-meaning matchmaking friends drag you. Don't knock it - I met the nicest man at a Diwali party once. And another at a niece's wedding. (I haven't gone on an art walk yet, though.)

What do we say to each other?
That depends mostly on where and how you met. The man I met at my niece's wedding was a relative from the other side of the family. At a gathering in the hotel where we were staying, I was the only woman having alcohol, and ordered a cocktail called Blue Lagoon. We talked about favourite liquor brands and, er, other things - and Blue Lagoon became our sort of code word when the conversation continued after the wedding.

And sometimes it's serendipitous. Like in a chat about personal circumstances:
He: Are you separated or divorced?
Me: Divorced, well and truly.
He: Do you have kids?
Me: No, but I have a lot of books. (That was entirely spontaneous, and it turned out to be the ice-breaker and the deal-sealer.)

How do we click?
Don't be afraid to ask - for instructions, directions, his weather prediction for tomorrow. I learnt to use chopsticks from a date, on a date - something which helped both my appreciation of the food as well as his appreciation of me.

How to sext safely

When you're older, you tend to feel more confident, but don't let down your guard. Take precautions; don't send pics that could identify you or your location. Text is important, too. Don't type at random, choose your words. And in case you say something wrong, go ahead and explain yourself, apologise if necessary. Grace is always appreciated.

I know because he texted me later: "It's nice that you don't claim to know it all; makes you more approachable".