He says we should move in...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 30-year-old woman and have been asked to move in with my boyfriend because he thinks we should give it a chance. We have been in a relationship for two years and are planning to marry, but neither of us wants to commit until we have lived together and have an idea of whether we get along. My friends say I should not move in until he agrees to an engagement, but I am not sure because he is very clear that we may end this if we can't stay together under one roof. I understand his argument, but I am also worried because we may break up if I can't get along with him. Should I just insist that we keep things the way they are and hope that we feel more confident a year from now?
You can't hope for things to change in a relationship without putting in some work. To assume that you will both be confident about commitment a year from now is difficult if there is no change in your situation. Moving in comes with its risks as well as rewards, and what you choose to do depends upon how badly you both want things to evolve. If you can't stay together and end this relationship, it is a risk you take even if you decide to stick together and marry. Fear of the unknown can cause a rift at any stage of your relationship, so weigh your options, talk about what you both want for the future and from each other, and any decisions you make will be easier to manage.

My boyfriend said something extremely racist which shocked me and has made me question a lot of things about him. Should I break up with him if I don't think I really know him at all?
If something upsets you, you have the right to call it out and ask for an explanation. If he can't offer you one that is satisfactory, you should ask more questions.

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