We thought we’d end up together...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 26-year-old and have been trying to recover from a nasty break-up a few months ago. My boyfriend and I were very close and always imagined we would be together for the rest of our lives. We dated for almost five years before realising that it couldn't last. We had grown too far apart and had radically different ideas about life, which is understandable because we were very young when we got together. I have not spoken to him since, but I always think about the past and wonder if I should have tried harder to make it work. At the time, it felt as if there could be no resolution but now, I feel as if we gave up too easily. I don't know if this is rational thought, or just something I am telling myself because I miss the idea of being together so much. What should I do? Should I give him a call and see if he wants to meet? He has not messaged either, so I don't know how he feels.
You had five years and a clear understanding of why your relationship failed when it did. It's perfectly natural to miss someone you have been close to, and question everything about what went wrong. Introspection may lead to multiple ideas about what could have been done differently, but nothing changes the fact that this was a decision made by two adults who decided that nothing was going the way they wanted it to. You can reach out to him and chat, of course, but it may make more sense to give yourself time to heal from this grief first. Your emotional state can dictate how you approach any situation, and looking at this from a distance may be critical to helping you understand it better. If he hasn't reached out in all this time, you are simply speculating. Give yourself a few months more and, if you still feel this way, get in touch if only to avoid assumptions.

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