Let's talk about death: How Mumbai's undertakers navigate their lives with grieving families, coffins, cemeteries and morgues

"People aren't really comfortable talking about death, but it is a part of life. It is written in every person's life," shares Lester D'souza Jr, who meets us after returning from a funeral, which he had just provided services for in Vasai. While others may shudder when sitting amid coffins and crosses, the 24-year-old is calm because it has become a part of his life to deal with death. Even though he took over the business only four years ago, the Naigaon resident has been surrounded by coffins, cemeteries, crosses and gravestones for as long as he can remember. After all he was only three years old when his parents set up Lester D'souza Undertakers in Vasai. Today, they happen to be one of the go-to people for the service in the Vasai-Virar region since 2002. But what is life like around death?

Every year, Day of the Dead is celebrated on November 2 around the world. It is the day that corresponds with All Souls Day, observed by the Catholic community in the city. Unfortunately, most people do not like to talk about death among the living. Ironically, they want their family, relatives and friends to have a grand burial and that is where the undertakers come to the fore. While they are always behind the scenes, the undertakers play a crucial role in carrying out the funeral service properly, so that the family can grieve like they have too. For D'souza, it is also about continuing his family's legacy, which started out of the sheer need to help give the dead a dignified burial.

Need for a dignified burial
He explains, "There was a death in our neighbourhood and there was no such service in Vasai at the time and my parents saw the body being taken in a tempo and not even a proper ambulance or hearse services. My parents looked at that and though 'this is not how a person's last journey should be'. That is when my parents started this funeral service." While the second-generation undertaker says the D'souzas were very unsure about getting into the business at the time, the need for it was more than ever before and his mother said they would see how it goes, if it doesn't work out, they could always do something else." Their funeral service was set up on August 15, 2002, and has been existent ever since. Taking over the business four years ago was natural for him because he had developed a keen interest over the years, and like every other business, it was also to continue the legacy. Today, they have four hearses and two ambulances that go through the region as soon as he gets a call.

The demand for funeral services is such that when we were speaking to D'souza, he got as many three calls in 30 minutes - while one came for a cross for a member of the Koli community, the other was to visit the local morgue, and others for more details. Interestingly, the Mumbaikar has mostly done every part of the business, except making the coffins. "I started out by making announcements at funerals in the cemetery. I had to say things like 'Requesting all family members to please come forward to pay your last respects', 'We shall now close the lid of the coffin', and even handling the audio system and then slowly moved into preparing the coffins." D'souza started out actively participating in the rituals when he was 12 years old, today, and has learned everything else over the last 12 years.

Unexpectedly, Dsouza was faced with one major challenge and that was of the Covid-19 pandemic. The Naigaon resident was giving his final exams at the time and wasn't too worried about it but when it hit, nobody expected it.

Understandably, it was terrifying for him like many other people. While the first wave was manageable, they did not expect the second wave to hit like it did, and he still gets goosebumps and jitters down his spine when he talks about it. From a financial perspective, it was fine for the business, he reveals. However, they had to lower their rates for the services, which include a mobile mortuary (ice box container), ambulance, coffin, and floral tributes. "The first two-three months of the second wave, the time was such that we couldn't charge our regular rates and had to lower them. We approximately conducted 200 funerals in that time. However, about 10 -15 of them we had to conduct them for free because the families were so poor, they had lost their source of income. People around them were helping them. It was such a time that I had to keep my profit mindset aside because humanity comes first," he shares.

D'souza adds, "We have been in the business for 21 years, but those three months were such that our staff was overworked, we were overworked, and it came to a time when me and my Dad had to step on to the ground and conduct the Covid funerals. The Mumbaikar says they used to get calls from at least seven to eight people that their funeral was at 12 pm, and they had to somehow manage. "We were conducting funerals as early as 5 am and as late as 3 am on many days," he shares. The role of the undertaker was even more important because he reveals how most people aren't very aware about what needs to be done for a funeral, so they are guided about what kind of coffins they want and what fits their budget. He explains, "The packages usually include the coffin, hearse, crosses, wreaths,
and flowers in varying proportions depending on the need of the people, along with the lowering equipment which is optional."

Changing with the times
A little less than two decades before the D'souzas set up shop in Vasai, Sunil Colaco's parents started Lonica Undertakers in Vile Parle in 1984. "My parents started at a time when there were no undertakers in Vile Parel. It was my grandmother's idea because there was no undertaker from Borivali to Bandra in that time. We had to either travel to Bandra or go to Borivali." Colaco says in those days, it was only the Pintos in Mahim and Byculla, J Fernandes in Bandra but who has now moved to Mira Road, and the Colacos, who named it after the Vile Parle resident's grandparents, Lawrence and Monica.

While the 39-year-old was only 12 years old like D'souza when he first started helping his family in funeral arrangements, he formally took over the business in 2003, and has seen a huge change in the business since then and has adapted to the changing times along the way. He explains, "Earlier, there used to be the family and relatives who would come to carry the coffin but over time this has changed. Nobody stopped coming forward to carry the coffins due to severe back pain or health issues."

It is not only the health issues but the changing real estate landscape of Mumbai that has brought about another change "In the earlier days, there were no high skyscrapers like today and majority of the buildings don't have services of big lifts, they only have small elevators," he adds. Realising this was becoming a big issue when people were trying to get the body down, Colaco decided to keep pallbearers as a service. With this trained individuals would carry the body down because it requires technique, which lay people do not know because they don't do it every day.

Soon enough, he also started with freezer boxes so that the family can keep the body for as long as they can. Just like D'souza, Colaco says there are many packages depending on the services that people need. While it may seem like a money-making business, he says people often don't realise the different aspects of the business. Luckily, most people who have the money like to spend for their family members as ther want it to be. grand farewell. "You can spend as much as Rs 15,000 on a funeral, and it can go up to Rs 1,50,000," he adds.

The debate around shroud burials
As times change, many churches in the city have also moved towards shroud burials, which they say is a way to help the body decompose faster - some to avoid the shortage of graves, and others to do eco-friendly burials. However, Colaco says this practice has become rampant only due to misinformation. He explains, "Earlier the cemeteries did not have RCC in the graves because they only had mud. The grave would be dug, and the coffin would be put into it. There was never a problem about bodies decomposing."

D'souza agreeing with Colaco says there is misinformation around the subject. "If we are in this line of business we definitely know more about coffins. Any coffin - either the simple or the best one - takes about roughly 18 - 24 months to decompose because the wood used is one that rots quickly." It was a learning experience for the family itself, who learned pretty quickly about the need for coffins that decompose quickly in the graves.

The fact that coffins have been used since many years is proof of that. In fact, Colaco points out to another factor that not many people may know. "You also cannot call a shroud burial a green burial because there are so many things behind the scenes that people really don't know. In case it is a post-mortem body, there has to be a plastic sheet because of the blood oozing out after the body is cut. There are pampers which are put for bodies because of the body's oozing." So has the shroud burials after the business? Colaco says it hasn't because they also have the ambulance and the funeral service. However, he has observed that it has affected several others in different ways, especially those who have taken to pay rent.

Unique requests and preferences
With death, there are also special requests and one too many that even the undertakers hear for the first time. "We usually get people who usually tell us to keep a bottle of whiskey, packet of cigarettes or cigars in the coffin," reveals D'souza. "There are some others who tell us to dress the man like he looked on the day of his wedding or on a particular event. The clothes are provided by them, and we have to dress them up for it."

Having run the business for 20 years, Colaco reveals, "Conducting a funeral has become more like event management because it is also a very important event." It is not only D'souza but also Colaco who has made many observations.

Colaco explains, "Many people even pre-plan their funerals - like grandmothers who keep their clothes ready." It also makes one realise how there are a lot of details that go into the conducting a funeral beyond the coffin. With changing times, he has also got unique requests. Some of which include bleaching hair so that the body doesn't look pale. He adds, "People have also wanted nails painted and shaped properly because the deceased person was very particular when they were alive, so the family wants them to look the same way." Over the years, he has opened a branch in Bandra too.

It is not only the coffins and cosmetology but also the hymns that have changed, according to him. While 'Precious Lord' by Jim Reeves was very popular earlier at funerals, he says today he also plays tunes according to which community the family belongs to. "I see whether it is a Mangalorean or Goan family. If it is a child who has passed away, I prefer giving tracks that are sung by a mother for her child. If it is an elderly person I play a track which is a message for the family."

In doing all this, Colaco says most people he deals with have become like family. He explains, "Sometimes, I have been with the family from the hospital to the burial, I end become a part of the family." When people come here, D'souza says, even he and his team get attached to them because the grieving family and friends come and speak about the life of the person who has just died. "Listening to them is a part of my job. I can't just tell them to leave. I have noticed that people don't let the family member grieve and tell them to stop crying. So, when people come and talk to us about them, it is probably because nobody is listening to them," he adds.

Dealing with life and death
Being in the business has also affected their lives personally. While D'souza says he often gets ghosted on dating apps after he tells people he is an undertaker, Colaco, who is a bachelor, has got proposals, where families have asked him if he is willing to change the line of business. However, the Vile Parle resident says he will never do it.

On the other hand, he has also seen the side of people where they don't want to talk about death, and being in the business, it often becomes second nature. "People look at death as a taboo and that's why people don't want to talk about it. For some it brings back memories. Some don't want to talk about it because they think the moment you talk about it, there's going to be a death in the house."

Doing it for the poor
Elsewhere, Dashrath Jadhav, who started Sacred Heart Undertakers in Borivali's IC Colony two years ago, with the help of another Mumbaikar, has seen the other side of life. After working with several undertakers in Mumbai for over 15 years, he started it with a purpose. "When I used to work earlier, I saw how many poor people didn't get any help or didn't know what to do when somebody died in their home after midnight. Even when they call doctors or family members, there is no response."

It led him to put his savings into the business, only so that he can help people. While he started out to help poor people, it has evolved into helping other members of the Catholic community. "I also saw how many from the community who lived in chawls in Mumbai couldn't manage and had to suffer. They were also members of the Believers and other sects who didn't have funding, who needed help," he adds. While those who have funding spend a lot of money, these people struggle for basic burials.

Having worked his way up in the undertaker business, Jadhav says he was deeply affected by these instances making him help people with coffins, burials and funeral services at affordable prices. Just like D'souza and Colaco, Jadhav knows every aspect of the business, except making the coffins, which are strictly done by the carpenters.

Unlike Colaco, Jadhav is one whose business is still in the nascent stages has been affected by the shroud burials, as the churches in Borivali near him do not opt for coffins anymore. So, he decided to do something about it and opened a branch in Mira Road to cater to the large Catholic community there and hopes he will be able to for a long time. "Being an undertaker, you see a lot of blood, and bodies that are decomposed or in a bad condition. A lot of people can't take it. If you survive two years dealing with this, you will last because it's not everybody's cup of tea. Uske liye kaleja chahiye (you need to be strong)," concludes Jadhav.