Receiving expensive gifts, excessive attention and hearty compliments from your partner? It may not always be a good sign, warn experts
Love bombing can create emotional dependency and make you feel overwhelmed. Representation pics
From red roses to candle-light dinners, gifts, dates, special experiences and compliments abound as we welcome the season of love. For many, this time of the year also proves to be an opportunity to express feelings and let new relationships blossom. While this affection and attention may be exciting, it can also harbour deeper and darker intentions.
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Love bombing, a term that has gained prominence in the dating world, refers to a person going above and beyond for someone and showering them with excessive love and affection, to manipulate them into a relationship or establishing control and emotional dependency.
Stand your ground against early signs of manipulation in a relationship
Namrata Jain, a Mumbai-based counselling psychologist and couples therapist, explains, “At first, being showered with attention, compliments and thoughtful gifts feels like a dream come true. Who wouldn’t love that? But, as I’ve seen in my practice, sometimes, these actions aren’t just about celebrating your partner, but a way to control or manipulate them. In many cases, love bombing is used to make someone feel so emotionally dependent that it becomes hard to say ‘no’ later on.”
Effect on relationships
In the early stages, love bombing can feel like ‘rainbows and unicorns’ — too magical and beautiful to question. However, these actions can make a relationship suffer. Jain reveals, “I remember a couple I once counselled; let’s call them Priya and Arjun. Arjun was heads over heels in love with Priya, and expressed the same in grand gestures: constant messages, surprise visits and gifts that made her feel incredibly special. But as time went on, Priya began to feel overwhelmed. The constant intensity made her lose sight of her own interests and friendships. What started as a whirlwind romance slowly turned into a situation where she felt smothered and controlled. Eventually, the relationship suffered because the initial charm gave way to anxiety and a sense of entrapment.”
Namrata Jain
“This is a story I’ve heard more than once: when love is too overwhelming, it can stifle the very connection it’s meant to nurture. Genuine love grows gradually, allowing space for both partners to be themselves,” she remarks. Relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruuh explains, “Excessive love, communication or affection can lead to a person feeling overwhelmed when they are not given space to think beyond the relationship. A person might experience cycles of extreme highs of affection, followed by manipulation, silent treatment or control. This can create confusion, self-doubt and even insecurity in the person as they might not understand what part of the relationship is true. Over time, this dynamic can create an unhealthy attachment, making it difficult to leave even when the relationship gets toxic or emotionally draining.”
Ruchi Ruuh
Love or love bombing?
It’s key to note that not every romantic gesture masks ill intent. “Some are naturally expressive and affectionate in relationships without intending to manipulate or control,” says Ruuh. “Genuine affection is consistent, respects boundaries and you see a natural progression over a period of time. Love bombing is however, intense, overwhelming and often feels superficial or rushed. It could manifest as a need for constant communication or unrealistic promises for the future of the relationship. Genuine love allows space for individuality, while love bombing may feel suffocating or aimed at gaining control,” she explains.
Jain shares the red flags:
>>Excessive compliments and gifts: Constant barrage of messages, unexpected gifts and similar actions can seem flattering but if they come too fast and too frequently, they might be a way to win someone over too quickly.
>>Fast-paced relationship: Relationships generally follow a natural pace: getting to know each other, slowly integrating into each other’s lives and eventually involving the family. However, if the relationship is moving too fast and future plans are being made too soon, it can sometimes be a red flag.
>> Isolation tactics: An important sign to look out for is when your partner begins to discourage you from spending time with friends or family. Love should make you feel supported, not isolated.
“The next time you find yourself swept away by grand romantic gestures, take a moment to pause and reflect: Is this really nurturing our bond, or is it overwhelming it?” Jain warns.
The way forward
If one discovers that they are being love bombed and are in an unhealthy relationship, Ruuh believes it might be difficult to get out of it due to cycles of positive reinforcements. “With excess emotional dependency, a person might find it hard to quit the relationship,” she says.
It is important to be consistent with affection for your partner
However, she suggests ways to navigate the situation:
>>Acknowledge that it’s an intense relationship where affection is followed by control and manipulation. Real, healthy love doesn’t feel this way.
>> If it’s hard to break up, start with reducing contact, avoid emotional conversations and stand your ground against manipulation.
>> Many find themselves isolated from their usual friends as the relationship takes up most of their time and energy. Reconnect with friends, family or a therapist who can offer guidance and emotional support.
>> It’s important to plan your exit strategy. If you share finances or a house, have a clear plan for leaving safely.
>> If they continue the manipulation or you are deeply affected by it, block their number and social media, if necessary, to prevent them from pulling you back in.
The other side
Your overt romantic gestures can also end up making your partner feel suffocated or manipulated, maybe unintentionally. Ruuh and Jain share the following tips to keep it balanced:
>> Be authentic with your expressions of love. Don’t try to act extra to get your partner’s attention or affection. Talk about how you both prefer to give and receive love. Knowing each other’s ‘love languages’ can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both of you feel appreciated in ways that are comfortable and genuine.
>> Respect boundaries and personal space. Encourage your partner to nurture their own hobbies and interests. Supporting their personal space can actually strengthen your bond.
>> Be consistent rather than shifting between intense affection and withdrawal.
>> Focus on emotional connection; create intimacy through communication and shared experiences rather than just grand gestures. Instead of bombarding your partner with texts and grand gestures every hour, try simple things. A handwritten note tucked into their bag or a ‘thank you’ for something small can mean a lot.
>> Think of planning regular, distraction-free time together, like a weekly dinner where you both cook a meal or a peaceful evening walk. In our fast-paced lives, even a small routine can provide a deep sense of connection without overwhelming each other.
>> Avoid confusion regarding the present and future of the relationship by having a discussion around expectations.
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