In the past, while the Shiv Sena was protesting it as anti-Indian, V-day cards were already available in languages such as Marathi and Gujarati
Illustration/Ravi jadhav
Since its first tentative appearance on the cultural screen nearly two decades ago, Valentine's Day has become something of a flashpoint, revealing the conflict between spontaneous desires of people on the ground and cultural and social gatekeepers of any persuasion.
ADVERTISEMENT
In the past, while the Shiv Sena was protesting it as anti-Indian, V-day cards were already available in languages such as Marathi and Gujarati. Later, when the Hindu Mahasabha threatened to make an honest couple out of any ishqbaaz people they saw, they were met with complete disregard and some mockery. Some incorporate the idea of Valentine's Day into already available traditions of love and eroticism — for instance, some years ago I met a gentleman from Chennai who had created a temple of Valentine Krishna. Cultural shifts follow their own rhythms and interventions are often most effective when they are also cultural rather than censorious.
But censoriousness toh kan-kan mein basi hai of cultural gatekeepers, so what to do? This year, Kamlesh Masalawala, a counsellor from Surat who runs an organisation called Hasyameva Jayate, organised an event in which 10,000 young students came together to pledge they would only marry people chosen by their parents. Like many pseudo-traditional activities, this one, too, is old wine, yaniki, it's not exactly a new invention that Indians do as mummy-papa say. The majority of Indians still have arranged marriages or love marriages within acceptable social conventions. But they also still fall in love and either act on it, or suffer.
What is new is the fact that it is being created as a pledge that is similar to the pledge of chastity or virginity that are taken by evangelical, often right-wing, Christian youth in the US, where they promise to abstain from sex till marriage. This is not surprising when our public conversation increasingly mimics the political binaries and homogeneities of the American discourse.
Masalawala's reason for coming up with this idea is that young people often run away on falling in love, but suffer disappointment and return, lacking judgment. What is sad is that, being a counsellor, he abdicates his duty in looking at the root of the issue: young people run away because they fear reprisal from parents and communities.
It is easy to condemn this as yet another of those right-wing cultural stupidities from a liberal high-horse (as if liberal folks don't ensure their kids go to the 'right' schools for the right networks). Mr Masalawala could ask, what is often the result of listening to one's parents? Domestic violence, dowry deaths, ugly divorces and cruel relationships happen as much or more so in arranged marriages as others. It is time we lightened the load of their children's futures on the parents' shoulders.
It is really parents who need counselling, to help them cope understand that times are changing rapidly, and if they want to help their children, they will have to change. Heartbreak, rejection and failure in love are, in fact, a major source of mental health issues. Heartbreak accounts for 3.2 per cent of suicides, and suicide is the highest cause of death among young Indians. Facile responses of obedience and political potshots help neither parents and to children. Today, we need a far more loving and nonpartisan approach to help families respond with a sense of possibility and compassion to a rapidly changing emotional universe.
Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at www.parodevipictures.com
Catch up on all the latest Crime, National, International and Hatke news here. Also, download the new mid-day Android and iOS apps to get the latest updates
Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!
