What can I do to get him to see that my past is of no importance to our future together?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I was in a relationship that lasted a little over five years. We were supposed to marry but had issues about our living arrangements and called it off. I began dating someone a year after that break-up and my current boyfriend has problems with how intimate I was with my ex. It’s not as if he didn’t date anyone before, so I find it hypocritical that he can’t handle my past while I am supposed to be okay with his. I love him a lot and want this relationship to work because we are very compatible, and I believe we can make a lifelong commitment. However, if he can’t get over this, there is no hope, and I don’t want to keep discussing it years from now. What can I do to get him to see that my past is of no importance to our future together?
If he can’t let go of it, there is nothing you can do and not much point trying to fix this either. It is hypocrisy and it should be called out, because the onus of making this relationship work shouldn’t be on you alone. Ask him if he wants a future with you, what he is willing to do, and if he can let go of what happened when he wasn’t in the picture. If he doesn’t do it now, you are only letting yourself in for the possibility of this issue resurfacing whenever you have an argument. If you are willing to accept that because you can’t be without him, do it with your eyes open.
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My words initiated our break-up, but my boyfriend acted as if it meant nothing to him. He nodded, accepted my decision and moved on. I don’t know how to get over the shock of his reaction.
It validates your own decision to end it, because it proves that you both had different ideas of what this relationship meant to each of you. Allow yourself to grieve and, in time, this pain will go away.
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