It’s her life, her ex, and her prerogative. You can share your concerns, obviously, but the decision is ultimately hers to make
Illustration/Uday Mohite
A few months ago, I broke up with my fiancé because he was not very nice to me, and it had started to become emotionally abusive for me to stay in that relationship. We haven’t spoken since then, but he recently reached out through a friend asking for all the gifts he had given me while we were together. Some of those things were purchased by us together, so they belong partly to me too. I don’t want to have a conversation with him about this because it will only lead to more arguments, and I am trying to distance myself from this and heal. Should I give him everything he wants without saying anything, or claim half of this just because it’s the principle of the thing, even if it leads to more pain? I don’t want to be petty, but I also want to stand up for myself because I have been put though a lot by this person.
You have to weigh the cost of what any confrontation involves. Standing up for yourself is the right thing to do, but engaging with someone who has caused you pain is not worth it. You can simply hand over things that are his, hold on to what you believe you have paid for, and send him a note explaining your decision. If that escalates into an ugly situation, make a decision on whether the things matter enough to put yourself through more emotional upheaval. The important thing is not having this person in your life anymore. Focus on the positives and moving past the negativity, to help with the healing process.
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My girlfriend is still in touch with her ex-boyfriend even though he was not nice to her. Am I wrong in asking her to end all communication with him?
It’s her life, her ex, and her prerogative. You can share your concerns, obviously, but the decision is ultimately hers to make.
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