Being cheated on has broken me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend cheated on me a few years ago and, since then, it has been very hard for me to trust people and feel confident in them. We ended our relationship, and both moved on but, while he is about to marry next year, I have only had a string of relationships that have failed after a few months. I date people, get close to them, and then start doubting everything they say until I either get very possessive or just dismissive towards them. I have tried to change this and keep telling myself that not everyone is like my ex, but nothing happens, and I slip into those same patterns. I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. How can I break this spell?
You can accept that you have been traumatised and may not have the tools to cope with that kind of betrayal. Speak to a counsellor if possible, allow yourself as much time as it takes to process what has happened, and open up to new people with the idea of giving them a chance. It may take time because pain doesn't always go away quickly, but you have to trust yourself as well as the possibility that you will meet someone patient enough to wait until you can build those bridges again. Trust is a cornerstone of any solid relationship, so be kind to yourself and, in time, you will be more accepting of others too.

I have fallen in love with a guy who is clear that he doesn't want to commit to anything. He is happy to date but won't say if this is going to be anything more than a casual fling. I love him so much that I am willing to take that chance even if it may hurt me. Is this a wise decision?
You are choosing this option with eyes open, and with his honest declaration of intent. If you are prepared to deal with any possible consequences, the risk is yours.

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