The third season of The White Lotus has raised an important question: Can women be in a friendship trio that’s less bitchy, and more about holding space. The Sunday mid-day team recounts their own circle-of-three stories
The trio of besties played by Leslie Libb, Carrie Coon and Michelle Monaghan in The White Lotus. Pic/Instagram@mslesliebibb
White Lotus season 3 is triggering for many reasons—the incestuous brothers, the anxiety-ridden father, the evil French lady out to cause chaos—but to us the
female friendship trio is the most troublesome. Three friends— played by Leslie Bibb (Kate), Carrie Coon (Laurie) and Michelle Monaghan (Jaclyn)—are vacationing in an ideal location. There is sun, sand, cocktails and hot men—but the ladies are not happy.
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What starts off as a vacation that promises to give the childhood friends a chance to bond like they used to, ends up being a test of how much do the friends really even like each other. It starts with things like Laurie and Jaclyn judging Kate on voting for Trump, to Laurie and Kate gossiping about Jaclyn’s need to get validation from men, to Kate and Jaclyn commenting on how Laurie was stuck in a rut, to a full blown argument over, well, men. It raises issues about how much are we really okay to let go in a relationship, and brings up topics such as resentment, jealousy and bitterness in friendships.
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The ladies at Sunday mid-day have all been part of the controversial trio friendship, and have all survived to tell the tale. Here are our we-did-it-so-can-you-or-maybe-not stories.
‘No pictures, just food’
Carol, Reena and I are former colleagues and intermittent friends. Intermittent because we don’t meet very frequently; months go by without us getting together. But we are in touch on WhatsApp, and share life and work updates—again, not very frequently.
When we meet, however, we throw ourselves into it so thoroughly that in all the years we’ve gone out together, we have not taken even one pic of ourselves!
The three of us got together as a group long after we each had left our mutual workplace, and it was a common interest in food that was the catalyst. We decided we would try certain specific eating joints, and this became the draw for our get-togethers. Oddly, though, we haven’t taken pictures of the food either. We just eat and talk—about everything under the sun.
Vidya Heble
‘We listen and we don’t judge’
Sunday mid-day editor Aastha Atray Banan and her circle of three in the final year of school (left) compared to the three later in life
My friend Nomeeta, who is an introvert by all worldly standards, always quotes her husband who tells her: “Thank god you have your two best friends who keep you sane”. It’s true. The three of us—Aastha, Nomeeta, and Sukhmani—now have been friends since we were 15. And for close to 27 years now, we have been each other’s ride or die—always there on a WhatsApp group that exists between Mumbai, Delhi and New Jersey.
What has kept this trio going is that even though we each have our individual bonds—we believe that we are best when together. And we never, ever indulge in a trio of emotions that could cause this to fall apart—jealousy, FOMO, and comparison. In fact, we find joy and comfort in how different we all are—often expressing happiness and pride over each other’s accomplishments. When we are together, we all share our deepest feelings in the first 20 minutes, however controversial they may be. The fact that we are never judged by our actions in life has made this a forever friendship. As they say, “We listen and we don’t judge.”
Aastha Atray Banan
‘Our one rule was no backbiting’
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When I first moved to this city, my biggest support system were my two male besties, A and S. We had known each other since college, and we got along like eggs, butter and toast. But we also had separate, strong bonds with each other, outside of the group equation. We’d hang out as a trio nearly every day of the week, but we’d also set aside one-on-one time at least once a week. It’s what kept our group whole and healthy, and removed any chance of jealousy or FOMO. We had just one rule: we couldn’t bitch about anyone in the group if they weren’t present. All issues had to be resolved either between the two people in the dispute, or as a trio. After eight years, the group did split up, but it was only because of a personal falling out between S and me. There was no insistence for A to pick sides—he remains good friends with both S and me, separately.
Debjani Paul
‘I was done feeling guilty’
Arpika Bhosale and her friend Aakanksha Bajpai
When I turned 38 this February, like every other birthday, I started over analysing unnecessarily. I kept thinking about what kind of friendships I had, and couldn’t help but think about the friends I lost. I was in one female friendship trio and it was glorious—as long as it lasted. But then, it wasn’t. There wasn’t a big fight, but small things had come together over time and exploded over a three-way call. My friend felt left out, something she always complained about, even though the other two had tried what we could to make her feel included.
That day on the call, I felt like she wanted to exercise a power on us, by constantly guilt-tripping us. I am too old now to feel that way. I exited our WhatsApp group that day.
Do I feel bad about what happened? Of course. I grew with a father who had the uncanny ability to be polite to even those who backstabbed him. It made me think maybe she was just a person going through her own battles.
But what’s done is done. Nevertheless, I love her and unbeknownst to her, she will always be among the few friends I count every birthday.
Arpika Bhosale
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